Put out that clove cigarette and cut your boyfriend's dreads you ignorant bitch.

If I wanted to fuck something so hairy, I would have fucked something really hairy. Seriously, my dick looks like you went crazy on it with steel wool.

Cool trip to Europe, pussies.

Stop giving me this handjob, you stupid idiot.

Rehaul.

When I started this blog, I envisioned it as being one that people would check daily for its humor, intrigue, and voyeurism. For a few fun filled weeks, I posted without prejudice everything people sent in as long as it was in some facet a "mean thought". This blog had some fantastic and gripping meanness going steady. Then things dwindled. People sent in racist material on a routine basis. Mean thoughts were relegated to angry sexism. Completely unbelievable and eye-roll inducing statements filled my inbox repetitively. It got old.

So I've decided to redo this thing, as a last chance effort that it will rise to the heights I had imagined for it. I really think this blog has its own little special corner in our digital vastness, and I would like not to bail out on it.

Firstly, I recognize that I am in need of some help. I have friends out there (in the real world, heard of it?) who had expressed interest in being an "editor" of sorts for the blog, so in the near future I plan on reaching out to them for their guiding input. Some fresh ideas. Some frame of reference.

Secondness, I plan on changing the core of this blog's meaningness. "Mean Thoughts" is just too vague and limits the site more than I would like. I'm thinking that the new direction will just be, simply, the essence of "Shitty Dudes". This encompasses mean thinking, natch, but also will include true stories, commentary, critiques, and the like. It was pointed out to me on multiple occasions that certain entries that I saw fit to include weren't necessary "thoughts" and I hope that this new approach will do away with that paltry complaint.

Thirdful, it is high time that I was more stringent on what I allow on this blog. Some racism, sexism, ageism, infinityism is funny and can allow for a certain degree of entertainment. But all the "I hate black people because they smell" stuff is boring. I am certain people were just sending me that stuff because I would publish it, and because they were retarded. I will set up an email account in the near future specifically for submissions, and like always, I desperately implore you to send me some of your shittiness. Don't get mad, however, when it goes ignored due to your complete lack of sense. It is not my fault. It is your parents.

I expect this blog to improve greatly over the next few days or so, so please check back or leave me a comment with any suggestions you may have that would benefit us both in making the internet a shittier place. Thank you, and I goddamn love you.

This one bitch that works in my office burned me a White Stripes CD and keeps trying to convince me that they rule. I'm just going along with it because I want to bang her.

Sorry for lack of posting. I've been out of town a lot recently. You all will be ok, I promise.

People who use their motorized wheelchairs as cars and drive in the street make me laugh.

I can't stand seeing a black guy with a white girl. I sometimes wish the KKK would drive by and beat them both. On the other hand, I'm only attracted to guys who are mixed with black and white.

Since when did listening to sweet punk like Black Flag, Circle Jerks or Fear become an ironic thing for hipsters to jack? Yeah, most of us were punks in high school, but I never sold my copy of "Damaged" when Elliot and Mojave 3 became popular.

This person felt bad about sending this to me, just so you know...

A few months ago, my friend's boyfriend died. It was sad & I cried. I don't wish death on anyone. But now that he's gone, I feel relieved because now I have my friend back. And sometimes I wish something would happen to my other friend's BF so I can have her back too.

When I offer a mint/gum to you, it's not because I'm being generous. It's because your breath smells like a pile of dogshit. You might want to get that checked out by a medical professional, but until then, just please accept a Tic-Tac or something.

Smoking cigarettes isn't cool anymore.

I hope you enjoy that cancer, bud.

I don't understand how people can persist to dress and style their hair like they're from the 80's. And I'm not talking about the assholes who do it for 'irony.' I'm talking about the people you see in wal-mart that seriously think they look good with bright blue tapered pants, keds and a sweatshirt with a turtleneck. You have a fucking tv, you know nobody dresses like that, so stop!!!

Mean thoughts have been slow recently. Please spread the word and/or post some new ones!


Most record collectors need to realize that having a huge collection of ultra-obscure jazz/noise/japanese-hardcore records will not magically increase the size of their penis.

Plus, girls are not impressed by that mint copy of Gauze's first 7". Believe me, I tried.

Whoever sent me this embarassingly awful mean thought:

I hate the Beatles, Elvis, The Doors, and Jazz.

needs to go here:

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=mean

My ex was so bad in bed that I used to feign illness to get out of sleeping with her. One time I pretended I had a bad back for a few weeks in order to keep her at bay. Bowel movements were more pleasurable than banging away at her.

People who own green cars will inevitably die a lonely death.

Catholics are crazy weird. If Jesus comes back to town he's going to think they're all bonkers for pretending to eat his body and drink his blood. He'll probably think the Pope's a fucking jagoff, too. Hopefully he does something about Catholic weddings, because they are stupid long and involve too much kneeling.

There should be a separate line at the bank for black folk! They all want a shit load of money orders and they never have enough money in the account to cover them and don't know why, then they want a transaction history printed off. Y'all know you get aggrivated when you are in the teller line or ATM line and see there's black person in front of you!!!

The reason I stopped dating you was because your pussy stank of garlic.

If you're a virgin and in college there is something wrong with you, regardless of what everyone else says. Lose that shit.

If there was a tragic house fire and all Pittsburgh Steelers' fans died, no one would cry except Bill Cowers. But that guys a fucking douchebag and a sissy fancylad, so who cares about his feelings?

Hairy armpits are fucking sick. Don't be a jerk.

All people with unibrows should die horrible deaths.

How about some new, non-racist mean thoughts? Anyone?


If black people don't want to be called "niggers" then why do they run around calling each other that all the time? If they don't like it they should wipe the term from society.

I take pleasure I knowing I'll be more sucessful than a lot of the losers I know.

On New Year's Eve I saw this crew of hipsters leaving the Party Source. One of the girls was wearing cowboy boots and had this smug look on her face. I was one conceited smirk away from punching her in the jaw. And I don't mean that figuratively. You're fucking stupid, and I promise, you don't look cool.

I want to fuck a girl in the ass using Neosporin as lube.

Poor people are bad parents.

What's the deal with ugly people?

If you read these posts and upset yourself because you think they are specifically about you, then you are an idiot who deserves to get their feelings hurt.

Poor people smell like horses, if horses were alcoholics and smoked cigarettes.

Sometimes I wish my really rich grandparents would die faster so I can get money from what I know they're leaving me in their will.

He used to seem so tough, but now I know I could totally beat my dad's ass.

I'm so glad that the first thing you got to do in 2006 was see me kiss someone else, because noone wanted to kiss you.

Retards shouldn't be allowed to breed.

I think the creators of those "Help the Children Fund" commercials purposely smear dirt on the kids' faces so that they look more destitute. I think I'd be crying too if some asshole rubbed filth in my face and tried to give me fifty cents.

I went bowling the other day and surveyed the surrounding rednecks and thought, "With a degree from the college I go to, I will be able to buy and sell all of you in ten years." I am the top 1%. I will be a mover and a shaker, American royalty, a power broker. I pity you because you're probably dumber than me.

Retards aren't people.

When I drive through black neighborhoods I lock my car doors.

When I was in grade school I only watched Schindler's List for the nudity.

ouch.


This blog sucks!!! Do us all a favor and cut your wrists tonight. Fuck you!!

I hate all of my friends.

It must really suck to be poor and have to resort to spanging and eating out of trash cans in order to survive.

I plan on ruining any/all New Year's Eve parties that I attend tomorrow.

I am going to fuck your shit up.

I think I'm so smart that if I ever murdered someone, I'd probably get away with it.

Mixed people look like the characters in Planet of the Apes.

Angry, not mean.

The dumbest people I work with have degrees! They may have graduated from college, but somewhere along the way they lost all of their common sense. This stupid bitch today changed her text to white and couldn't figure out why she couldn't see anything she was doing... fucking stupid bitch!! I HATE STUPID FUCKING PEOPLE!!!

Whenever some disgusting meathead stares at my ass when I walk by, I think about how great their blood would look on my hands.

I intentionally clogged a toilet at work yesterday. Pretty pathetic and shitty too - I got to watch my asshole boss clean it up.

When I'm stopped at the light in front of a crosswalk, I sometimes get this urge to run over the people walking through it.

People with low self esteem need to have their eyes clawed out so they can get over themselves and realize that there is more to life than their appearance. Same with people that have too much self esteem; where they just think they are 'so hot'. How hot are you when you can't see the curb you are about to trip over, bitch?

Most of the things on this blog apply to my friends.

I've noticed (especially today) that these are getting a little fantastical. There's no way you people would always do some of this stuff. I think I might start moderating some of these and make them a little more believable. I understand the funny, but go try to be a little more realistic.


If I had my way... I'd have all of you shot!

The fact that "holla/s" is a real word, and not just slang, bothers me; because such slang is one of the ways I convince myself that non-ghetto-dwellers are better than ghetto-dwellers.

When I'm standing on a tall building or bridge with someone else, I always have to hold myself back from pushing them off.

If I saw a lady holding a baby get hit by a car in front of me, I would just drive around them.

Whenever people piss me off, I imagine burning their houses down.

Take much delight in other people's misfortunes. When bad things happen to my friends, I laugh hysterically and uncontrollably in my head. They probably deserved it.

Your haircut makes me want to stab you in the face.

I have decided that when I die I want to be cremated, put in an expensive urn, and placed on the living room mantel; so my husband's new wife will have to dust me!

Is this a mean thought, or just an angry suggestion?


You can also get away with having a small dick if you really know how to eat pussy!! Clue: If your face doesn't look like it's covered in the glaze from Krispy Kreme, get your head back down there... I'm not done yet!

Fiery.

I honestly believe that Black people automatically go to Heaven and white people automatically go to Hell for what they did to them. And if there is such a thing as reincarnation, white people will be reborn as Black people.

Fat people disgust me. When they say they are happy, they are lying. Fat people can't be happy, they're fat. People shouldn't tolerate them.

I love my best friend but she is a whore who thinks way too highly of herself. She thinks I'm in awe of how much sex she gets but secretly I think she is a digusting slut. Sometimes I hope she'd get a STD so she'd shut the fuck up!

I hate girls who are prettier than me.

So now your comments won't show up until I approve them. This makes it a lot easier for me, as I was previously hunting down all Mean Thought submissions left as comments and erasing them once I added them to the blog. This way you can just comment a Mean Thought and I can add them as I see fit. Also, if you wish to leave a comment on someone else's Mean Thought, feel free. I will typically accept it. No one cares about this, do they? I love you.


If you don't love having your boobs ogled, then stop having boobs.

I'm in love with my best friend, but half the time I hate him. I regularly wish romantic failure upon him. He tries to make me jealous, so I do the same. Every hookup I've had in the past three months, I've had him in the forefront of my mind. And little was more satisfactory than knowing that he paced for 2 hours, worrying about me.

With friends like this...

When I find out that someone is suicidal, I try to befriend her/him in an attempt to get her/his stuff when she/he passes.

When I take a date to a restaurant, I tip really well to impress her. And when she's not looking, I take the tip money. Tipping is for suckers.

Every time I fart around two chicks, I whisper to one of them, "Did you fart?" When she says she didn't, I tell her it wasn't me and make the other girl look like a disgusting bitch.

I call in sick at work only on the days they are already short-handed--that way, they'll be more inconvenienced and appreciate me more when I'm gone.

I hate my band's music.

My grandma finally died. Thank goodness. The hospital was so out of the way.

Shitty. And I don't get the reasoning here. How about some actual cathartic mean thoughts, and not just stuff to shock?


I think that more than 60% of black people are worthless because they live such a self-destructive lifestyle. It kind of makes me wish that we never had slaves, but then I wouldn't be on the Internet if they weren't dumb enough to get on a boat to be slaves for a bunch of awesome white dudes.

My girlfriend just dumped me recently but I had been planning on it anyway. I was only pissed because she did it first so now I'm just trying to make her feel really bad about it. But also, before she dumped me I got a safety net girl. So the ex is aware of the new girl, but I just deny it and make myself look all sad and loyal but in reality I could care less and I'm totally fucking the new girl all the time.

I also cheated on the ex like three separate times.

The only thing more annoying than fat chicks is chicks that have been molested.

In gym class, the fat girls could never do the "Flexed Arm Hang." Man, those were so easy.

I leave comments on blogs pretending to be nice when I really hate them.

Just a reminder: This blog is done by submission, so either email me at isherwns@uc.edu or post a mean thought as a comment if you would like to add one. Get it?


Sometimes I try to will people to fall while they are dancing on the light box at Jacobs (a popular dance bar in Cincinnati; notorious for people hating it yet constantly going there), of course only for the benefit of providing me with a few laughs.

I once pretended to like someone because they consistently bought me food and had really good cable. I would definitely, without hesitation, do that again.

At this point in my life, I would rather eat cheese pizza than make out with somebody.

I like Whitney Houston better since she's become a wacked-out drug addict.

There sure are a lot of angry, angry dudes out there. At least you're posting here and not out there hurting my loved ones. Doesn't anyone have any harmless mean thoughts?


Every time I am at the supermarket or in a store and I see children and old ladies, I want to just punch them in their faces as hard as I can...
In retrospect, I also look at every female under the age of 30 and think about how much better they would look on their knees with my cock shoved 8 inches down their throat.

I wonder how hard I could punch a 13 year old girl before I knocked a tooth out? Would her dad angrily chase me around, would he furvishly attend to his daughter, or would he stand quietly in shock? Hmm...

I wish everyone who works for the United States Postal Service a horrible, horrible death. The kind of death that people don't feel sympathy about, just nauseating disgust. I want their kin to be shameful of the fact that they will forever be associated with the notion that their relatives died in such a god-awfully unpleasant manner.

I hate giving money to the poor.

I want to stab Dakota Fanning in her cold, black heart.

Leave a mean thought comment and I will change it into an entry. Simple.


I know someone that thinks shes the most fantastic person ever.
She's not.
And slowly people are realizing this.

That's Ka-Blammo!


On Christmas Eve, everyone said to my cousin, "Look how handsome you are! You're going to be an Abercrombie model!"

Well, you won't be, because you have Multiple Sclerosis.

I take a certain amount of pleasure from natural and man-made disasters. The tsunami of 2004? Sweet. Katrina? Even better. I want to see pictures of shanty towns torn down and anguished crowds. I do get a little sad when I see pictures of mansions and museums in ruins, because to be honest, a set of Roman clay pots or a historic library is probably worth more than most peoples' lives. When New Orleans flooded, I was more worried about the houses, plantations and museums than whether everyone was able to find safety and sanctuary.

Basically, if an atomic bomb accidentaly dropped out of a plane and into a full stadium, I'd think it was awesome and not at all a travesty or horrible. Especially if said stadium was full of Bengals fans. Football is boring.

Fact: The only good blowjobs I got were in high school. Deduction: Corruption of a minor would be worth it.

When I am at work and I don't want people there to bother me I fart. I do this because I know they would rather not get what they want or not get directions to something or not find an answer to their question than have to stand around in my ass smell. I wish I could hold my shits in long enough to form a protective layer of stink that would envelop me for my entire shift.

While experiencing this abortion of a Christmas I thought to myself, "I must have been a child molester in a prior life to deserve a family like this." I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.

My best friend is pretty much horrible at being a best friend.

I would murder my father-in-law if I could get away with it.

Certainly are a large amount of murderous mean thoughts around the holidays. You guys obviously don't have the Xmas spirit in you.


I'm going to kill my mother.

If I really hate someone, I make it a point to fuck their significant other. It's the best revenge.

The best scene in Pulp Fiction is when Marvin's brains get blown all over the backseat of that car.

huh?


I don't ever want to own my own cat.
However I do like to play with cats that belong to other people.
All I'm trying to say is, I like fucking your girlfriend.

When I get into an elevator, I like to stand directly in front of the doors. When it gets to another floor and the doors open, there's sometimes somebody there who's not paying attention and tries to step in before they realize I'm there. It's even better if they actually hit me because I'm still standing still and they can't claim it's not their fault and the chances of them being bigger and meaner-looking than me is pretty damn small.

You gotta live in Cincinnati to get this one.

If faggots had wings, Northside would be an airport.

For the past week, my parents have been telling me that my grandmother is dying and that I should visit her in the hospital. Honestly, I wish she would kick the bucket ASAP because I'm sick of being nagged. Plus I need a good excuse to dry-clean the suit I'd wear to her funeral.

It goes like this: White people > Asians > the other races > black people.

If I'm walking down the street with food in my hands, and then a homeless bum asks to have my food, even if I'm hungry, I opt to throw the food away right in front of him. I hate it when people ask me for shit.

When I heard Lady Di had died, I was at a party. I howled out with laughter and yelled "that's why they called her Lady 'DIE.'"

I'm glad Christopher Reeve died. I was so sick of his shit.

People who drive green cars are either colorblind or mentally retarded. Either way I don't understand why they are driving and getting in my way. I'm pretty sure retards don't drive though. God I hope not.

I am so fucking sick of everyone thinking they are either a DJ or an artist, or at the very worst, both. .02% of the DJs in Cincinnati are good, you are more than likely not one of them, and call me when your exhibit is up at the Contemporary Arts Center, needless to say I won't be holding my breath.

My friends all think they are "fun" and "crazy" but usually I think they are annoying and rude.

Finally the ladies represent.


Dick size does matter. A decent lay can get away with having a small cock, but since most guys are mediocre at best...there better be some length or girth involved.

Ok so this is the only and last one I will post like this, because too many of these will get old and they aren't really random mean thoughts at all. It kind of sucks that the only one I'm putting on here is so fucking lame, though. Blame anonymity.

You are probably really unattractive.

I didn't care about the Hurricane Katrina victims.

We didn't call you because we didn't want you there.

I am thankful that I don't live the lives of some of my friends.

In the song "I'd like to teach the world to Sing," I would; so I could pee in their mouth holes.

No matter how smart a girl is, she is still a girl.

Christians should be put into concentration camps along with fat children.

The second part really isn't a thought, per se. Just a shitty action. Don't do this, animals are nice.


My ex-girlfriend had this cat that i absolutely hated. I used to kick it when she wasn't around.

My ex-girlfriend has, since we broke up, "found herself." She lives with a woman and practices Wicca. She bops around in her stupid floaty skirts and grows her own herbs and is trying to become a midwife. When we talk, I congratulate her on finding herself, but mostly I just think she's a moron. She's faking this like she's faked everything her whole life. And every time she uses some fruity, unctuous tone or some nutty new-age acronym, I want to mock her. I want to bring back to her attention all the bullshit "identities" she's had over the years and tell her to just stop fucking hating herself and be what she is.

Judging a book by a cover is typically a good policy. Think about it: I would not buy a book if the cover was all fucked up and gross. Ugly people usually have some sort of character flaw because they have to overcompensate for their ugliness. Or they're bitter. Don't even get me started on fat people.

Shittiness flows from the mountain tops. Thanks for the submissions.

After I have sex with people, I immediately think less of them. I would even venture as far to say that I am not into them as much as I was before we fucked. I want to tell people I know the weird or annoying eccentricities of my sexual partners, like their body hair or awkward mannerisms, for a good laugh.

If anyone ever cheated on me or gave me a VD, I would get them drunk. Then fuck them up the ass with a strap-on dildo lined with razor blades.

Shopping during the Christmas season is always a pain in the ass. People and children are always standing in the way. One of these days I'm going to kick a little kid in the head if they don't get the fuck out of my way!

The girls I know are mostly all stupid. Not annoying, necessarily, or hard to deal with, but actually STUPID.

Southern accents make people sound unintelligent.

I recently got out of a long distance relationship a couple of days ago after finding out that my ex-boyfriend did coke with some slut and gave her some massive head. I told him that I didn't want to talk to him or see him when I came home for christmas. Today he informed me that he had bought me an ipod for christmas. I am going to be fake as hell to get my fucking gift.

ok so now people can post anonymously. my bad. have at it!

I know for a fact that people are faking constantly. Like illnesses or disorders or mental anguish. Even inconsequential things like financial situations or heartache. I am positive that I know people who fake homosexuality for attention. I would not put it past certain kids to feign gangreen in order to get a limb hacked off so they could be known as the coolest amuptee in the city. I'm uncertain as whether these people want pity, want to feel sorry for themselves, or desperately want to be able to self depricate in new and exciting ways because their regular shortcomings are passé since Joe Blow got all narcoleptic up in here.

Black people smell bad when it rains.

Whoa! Total dirtbag!


Recently I developed what looked like a deep pimple on the ridge of my Willie’s head. I didn’t think much of it at first; I haven’t been with anyone for quite a long time... and got myself tested for VD after that last relationship.

A couple of nights ago while at a local show, I noticed it again while pissing (it was a little bigger) and this made me think about her more.

We did have quite a bit of unprotected sex towards the end... and thinking back about all the lies... she probably didn’t get tested as often as she said she did: plus I realized that the test really wouldn’t have looked for anything that wasn’t blood related.

Well I came across a different ex at this concert while leaving the bathroom, whom I haven’t seen since I broke up with her several years ago.

I dumped her after I found out she swiped all my sister’s CDs and multi-disc player from her car and tried to pass it off as someone else breaking in to the car. I later found a receipt in her checkbook that indicated most of the missing CDs was sold to a local music shop.

My sister took her to small claims court and lost, much to our surprise.

Anyway, here she is and we’re pretty drunk. She didn’t recognize me as much as I did her. She flirted with me and asked me my name and if had we met before. I lied, giving an alias and false story of a one night stand we once had.

After the show at a red light she got real freaky. I decided "fuck it". I popped the ’pimple’ in the dark with out her noticing. We got busy and I stuck it in her oozing.

We had a good time, especially me, while pissed people honked at us as they passed us after the light kept changing green.

Well, anyway that was what I imagined I would have done to her if she hadn’t actually remembered me and our past... and avoided me the whole rest of the show.

Keep sending in submissions. Thanks for being dicks!

If I had to go the rest of my life without my family (with the exception of my mother) I'd be alright.

The best scene in The Lord of the Flies is when Piggy gets hit in the head with the big rock.

Given the opportunity to have sex with one of my friends girlfriends and not get caught (guaranteed), I would probably do it regardless of her attractiveness just so I could secretly hold it over their heads in case they beat me at Trivial Pursuit or got a better Christmas present.

If my mom wasn't my mom, I would probably think she was a dumbass. I would probably laugh at her if she got lost in a labyrinth or a parking lot. If she got hit in the head hard with a snowball and fell down I would find it difficult to maintain a straight face and not point at her.

I decided it would be a good idea to post random mean thoughts that occur to me throughout the day. I would like other people to get involved in sharing their daily meanness and sporadic shittiness, so please feel free to email me at isherwns@uc.edu to contribute. Or, if you'd like, just sumbit a comment with your own mean thought and I will do my best to launch it up on the big blog. Sharing in assholedness is cathartic, and you can always post anonymously. Pussy.

I don't care about cancer anymore. People get it too much and I'm tired of overhearing these types of convos:
1 - "Hey this BBQ sauce is good!"
2 - "Yeah the guy who makes it has a cancer on his brain. I think it spread to his lungs."